The Worst Haircut Ever...

Many many many many years ago, I had long hair. Long metal hair, well past my shoulders, blonde, but at one point dyed black, in order to look even more evil. The story about the legendary mess I made while dying my hair is a great story, but nevertheless, a story for another day. Anyways, my hair was long. This was in 8th grade and I was nearing the end of the days of long hair. In fact, 8th grade was about to end and there was a fancy dance planned for the graduating class. I normally didn't attend any school functions, fuck, I attended school itself as little as possible. Well, you see, I wanted to go to this dance real bad because a bud of mine told me that this total babe that I had been eyeing for years was "into" me. I wouldn't have minded being "into" her either, if you know what I mean. So I told him that I would be at that dance and to somehow let her know that I would be there. So as the time grew closer to this dance, I concocted this grand plan to woo this girl and make her mine! This included wearing "normal" clothes and, gasp, cutting off my ruling metal hair. I ended up obtaining nice dress pants and a button down shirt, that could be worn with or without a tie. Everyday I would come up with all these great lines to say to her. I imagined that she would love my new look and blush when I said all these great things that I had thought up. So the day of the dance arrived and it was a couple hours before the dance and I suddenly realized that I had forgotten to get a hair cut! Shit! Well... I would just have to do it myself! After all, how hard could it be cut hair? So I took scissors out of the desk in our den and went to work. I cut and trimmed and styled and...
OH NO! What had I done? It looked like a blind man had went to town on my head with hedge clippers. Not cool I surely would not be wooing any babes with hair like this! What to do? I know! I would fix it!
Well, any attempt to fix it just made things even worse. I tried to even out one side and made it too short, so I tried to shorten the other side, but then that was too short, so I went back and tried to make the other side match, and on and on and on.
Eventually, I gave up and figured, I would just dye it black and slick it all back, like some douche bag Italian guy. But no hair dye!
I eventually gave up and settled on the 'animal with mange' look, patches longer than others, some parts real short and others scraggly. The back was the worst part, because I couldn't even see it in the mirror, and it ended up being a huge inverted U, but all uneven and lopsided. Hell, this girl wouldn't even care though. At some point, I also bagged the fancy clothes idea because I know I ended up wearing jeans and a Possessed shirt.
I left my house and walked to where the dance was. Everyone I passed gave me weird looks. Hmmm, I started to think this would not be going as planned. I walked up to the door and some lady I had never seen before was there, taking names and giving out name tags. She took one look at me and said to go home and not to come back until I 'fixed myself'. Hahaha. I soon abandoned any ideas I had about that babe because I saw other people arriving and they all had on fancy clothes and dresses and ties. That wasn't me! I found a pay phone and called up dudes who weren't going to that dance and some metal friends and we went on a giant citywide vandalism spree that night instead. What a great time!